You know those events in your life that you cringe at the thought of? Or the moments you replay in your head over and over feeling like you wish you did things differently but know you can't? Or just wishing other people handled things differently but you still replay what had happened?
These are all unresolved issues that now impact you on a daily basis even if you aren't aware of it.
These unresolved issues now play a role in how you perceive things, how you react to situations, create new insecurities, as well as judgements you are making.
In order to really move on and release yourself from these patterns, you have to heal yourself of these unresolved issues. ie: giving yourself the closure you need.
When you are in a safe place, and are in the right mental state, the below are some steps you can do to at least help give yourself the closure you need. This helps me significantly, so I hope it will help you!
Try to remember to be open throughout this process.
Whichever medium of expression you choose, you will need to open up vulnerably and honestly on what this issue is. Get every single detail, thought, emotion etc out. Don't think about what you're saying, just allow yourself to express, free of judgement.
It is never easy opening up and allowing yourself to be vulnerable, but this is for your eyes and your eyes only. You have nothing to prove, and no reason to not try
Once you have finished, identify all of the times you are making judgements in the situation, the limiting beliefs you have, and the negative thoughts.
He is a selfish ass hole = judgement
She is so ignorant = judgement
I am not good enough = limiting belief
It wouldn't have worked out anyways = limiting belief
It will never get better = negative thought
It isn't worth the effort = negative thought
Once you have all of the points you identified, go through each of them one by one, and allow for compassion and forgiveness to come through. Allow yourself to forgive any wrong doing done to you, or any wrong doing you did to others. Then allow yourself to have compassion to the wrong doer, or to yourself. You or the other person were doing the best that you/they could. Things happen in unideal ways that you can't continue to carry as your own burden.
Accept the situation, as it is.
If you are able to, destroy what you wrote out. You can rip it up, burn (if it is safe to do so!), throw in a body of water, flush down the toilet, etc.
As you are ridding yourself of the situation, you can say or write a note to yourself on what you need to hear in that moment.
Make it a conscious effort to not continue to carry this on with you after you give yourself closure. Continuing to think about, and making it part of your conscious thoughts will defeat the point of this. I of course realize you can't just move on like nothing happened, and certain things will continue to come up, but you CAN make an effort to redirect your thoughts the moment you realize it is coming up. What I like to do, is repeat what I told myself at the end of the closure point, to hear what I needed to hear in that moment.
Throughout all of this, also remember to be gentle with yourself. We all make mistakes, and sometimes other make mistakes at the expense of our feelings. Try to have compassion whether it's with yourself or others, and recognize that everyone has their own "stuff".
That "stuff" you're working through doesn't make you a monster. It makes you brave for making an effort to work through it.